Last week, I posted a Zen parable on how comparison is a confidence killer (https://r2lc.com/2018/08/19/beware-the-self-confidence-killer-comparison/). As, I work with teams and individuals of all levels and ages, there is no debating that comparison is one of the biggest reasons for lack of confidence. Most people are aware of the pitfalls that come by comparing, yet many can’t help themselves. In short, comparing yourself with others sets you up for failure. So today, I have listed a few ideas you can start with to help you (or your athlete or child) break this unproductive thinking.
CHANGE YOUR FOCUS
Rewiring our brain starts by changing your focus. One of my favorite sayings is, “what you focus on grows”. When you focus on someone else, your thoughts are on things you can not control. You can not control what someone else is doing or what someone else has. The only thing in life you can control is yourself. When your thoughts are focused on what someone brings to the table, that thought grows. Likewise, when you focus on something positive about yourself that positive is highlighted. Here are some ways that if you work at consistently will help you change your focus.
Turning your attention to your strengths is a key step in changing your focus. You are unique. Appreciate this uniqueness by starting to focus on your strengths and attributes.
Exercise: Make a comprehensive list of your strengths and attributes. List even the smallest thought. Next, have a “stop” button. I often suggest a rubber band worn around your wrist but anything that signals your brain to stop a certain thought will work. Every time you catch your self comparing, snap your rubber band (hit your “stop button”) and immediately focus on one of your strengths or attributes.
Another way to change your focus is to express gratitude. When you choose to focus on your blessings, it takes away the energy from what you don’t have.
Exercise: Have a gratitude journal. At the end of each day, list at least 5 things you were thankful for that day. Be as specific as possible. This helps train your brain to focus on what is good.
Use comparisons to fuel you instead of fail you. Again, this is about focus. Comparisons don’t have to be a negative if we use them in a productive manner. Learn to use them as motivation.
Exercise: Every time you start to compare yourself to someone, do something that will help you get better or improve in that area. For example, let’s say you are focused on how someone else is in better shape than you. When you start to focus on that do something that will help you get in better shape.
In addition to changing your focus, working daily on other ways to build confidence is a key component toward moving beyond comparisons. If you are confident in your self, it doesn’t matter what others are doing, what others look like, etc. After all confidence is the key to all success.
For daily confidence tips, follow on twitter @tamimatheny and sign up for the monthly confidence calendar: https://r2lc.com/monthly-confidence-calendar-newsletter/
For additional confidence building advice, check out “The Confident Athlete: 4 Easy Steps to Build and Maintain Confidence” online at Amazon or Barnes and Noble: https://r2lc.com/the-confident-athlete-4-easy-steps-to-build-and-maintain-confidence/.
Tami Matheny is a Mental Game Coach and Author. She owns and runs, Refuse2LoseCoaching. Follow her on twitter @r2lcoaching and Instagram @refuse2losecoaching.
Looking for additional resources? Join one of the Facebook Groups or Pages below:
- Parents and the Mental Game
- Beyond Xs & Os 4 HS Athletes: Health, Recruiting, Team Building, Mental Training (All Sports)
- Mindset & Leadership Lessons for Athletes, Coaches/Teachers, & Business Leaders (All Sports & Business Leaders)
- Parents, Coaches, Teachers – Nutrition support group for student-athletes
- Success For Teams (Resources to help teams start strong) http://www.successforteams.com
- TCL Mindsets (Teambuilding to help develop culture, leadership, and positive mindsets) https://tclmindsets.com